I'm back

Goodness its been a long time! I've been through hell & back.

In January 2010, I started having pain the day after spending the evening w/ my hubby. I will leave it at that :) It felt like a bladder infection so I took antibiotics & it seemed to go away. The pain came back with a vengeance about a week later. I had severe abdominal pain & bloating, pelvic pain, leg pain & back pain. I had these horrible stabbing pains that felt like someone was inside my stomach cutting their way out with a knife. I had severe contractions (like the ones you have in labor but on steroids). I couldn't get out of bed & I could barely walk. I also didn't have health insurance. I did have insurance before but things got so tight, I told hubby to cancel it. He fought me but ended up canceling. We had no idea what was to come.

I went to a urgent clinic & was diagnosed with a kidney infection. I took anti-biotics that made me very ill but felt assured I would be better soon. I finished up the meds & still felt the same. I was then referred to a urologist. Let me tell you, they treat you like shit when you don't have insurance even though I was paying up front. The urologist referred me to get a CT scan. HOLY MOLY, are those expensive! Luckily, they had a payment plan. The urologist did a cystoscopy. Do not ever get one of these if you don't have to. It was very painful, I was screaming. The doctor acted so surprised I was in so much pain & he really didn't seem to care...what a asshole. They don't numb anything, they just shove it up your urethra. I still feel traumatized by it.

The CT scan found some cysts & a ultrasound was recommended. So then, I was referred to a GYN. I wasn't thrilled about the possibility of having surgery (to get cysts removed) but at least we knew what we were dealing with. During this whole time, I was running 3 shops on etsy, creating new pieces & shipping out orders. I had obligations to wholesale accounts & local shops I did consignment with.

Back to the jewelry in a bit, don't want to get off track here. Anyway, I made a apt w/ a GYN & took my ultasound results w/ me. Turns out the cysts were too small to be causing me all the pain. The GYN said she had no idea what was wrong w/ me & to go see a doctor. See a dcotor? What the hell did you think I was doing? I was beyond frustrated. So, I started going online & researching. I talked to all kinds of people, my mom did too. We found 3 people that had the same exact same pains & symptoms that I had. They had endometriosis.

I called the GYN & told her about how their symptoms & pain were the same as mine. The GYN agreed w/ me. She gave me a few options but she said my best option was to get a injection of lupron every month. It would stop my periods from forming new endo though it couldn't treat any endo that was already there. Just typing the word lupron makes me shudder. Lupron is its own "hell in a cell". What it does is puts you into "medical menopause". But it slams you right into menopause rather than a gradual onset like natural menopause. Let me tell you, you all need to be nice to your moms. Menopause in no joke-its worse than you could possibly imagine. I feel like I need to apologize to my mom for not being more supportive while she was going through that. I gained a lot of weight & became really depressed.

The lupron did nothing for my pain. I would have rather just had the pain. Lupron made everything worse & it caused me more pain too. It was never a treatment & I feel that I was lied to by my doctor. I stopped taking it January, 2011 & I am still having daily hot flashes. Some people are still having side effects 5 years later. I could go on & on about the demon that is lupron - just know its bad stuff!

After about 2 months of being on lupron, I finally was able to get health insurance through my hubbys work (they only have sign ups 2x a year). A big weight felt like it had been lifted from our shoulders. My new GYN wanted to continue w/ the lupron. I just got worse & worse. There were times that I couldn't get out of bed. That really scared me. I did not like feeling completely helpless like that. I talked to my GYN about stopping lupron. She insisted that I stay on it. I talked to my primary care doctor & she told me I could do whatever I wanted as its my body. So, I stopped & bled for a month. It was brutal. My GYN suggested I go on depo birth control injectable shots every month. She was giving me mega doses at a time so I had alot of crazy hormones. My hubby has been so patient w/ me. Through all my crazy mood swings, he's been right there w/ me. How he can take care of me & boy , work full time, do his photography stuff plus cook, clean & do the laundry, I will never know. I picked a good one :)

Anyway, the depo was great for awhile. I was still in bed alot but felt like I was able to get out here & there. I couldn't do much-go to a farmers market for a hour or wunderland w/ Apollo but it was better than the lupron & seemed to treat the endo some what. The horrible sharp stabbing abdominal pain was mostly gone & the bloating had gotten alot better. I was also able to sit in the car (before it was very painful). Anything around my waist was/is painful...like pants! Yeah fun stuff.

The depo isn't working for me anymore. My GYN had to switch me to a lower dose (I had those mega injections for over a year) & the horrible stabbing pain is back again along w/ the bloating. . I probably will switch to another birth control. I need something that will stop my period w/ the least amount of side effects. I mentioned earlier that meds made me feel very ill - its that way with all meds for me. I can't take pain pills & the anti nausous meds either make me feel really hyper or really tired. I talked to my GYN about having a hysterectomy & she told me that I have a less than 10% chance that the endo would go away & that all my pain would come back in less that 3 months. Surgery is not even a option. She told me that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. If we would have discovered this in my 20's, I would have had a chance to get better. When its diagnosed in your 30's, you usually have other pelvic issues as well (I found out I also have adenmyosis & fibroids). I thought having horribly painful periods were normal because that's what my mom had. I think I've had endo for awhile (10+ years) but thought that the symptoms were normal.

Back to the jewelry. I closed my etsy shops last year. I couldn't keep up with orders & creating jewelry wasn't fun anymore. I never would have ever thought I would walk away from it. I miss it. I miss the community, I miss trades w/ awesome artisans. I miss my customers!! I had the best customers. I became friends with almost all of them. In saying that, I don't think I will ever go back. I'm not the same person anymore. Getting sick like this, changes you. It changes you for the better. It becomes blatantly obvious who & whats important. My family has been so supportive. They have all helped with taking care of Apollo. When I first got sick, he was 6. Now he's 8 & doesnt need constant supervision at all times so he's home w/ me now. That was really hard, I couldn't take care of him so I didn't get to see him as much.


So, while I've been laid up I've become addicted to monthly beauty subscriptions. Getting goodies in the mail is fun especially when your in the situation I am in. I started off with birchbox & then it got out of hand from there. I will be turning this jewelry blog into a beauty blog. I'm going to do fun things like have giveaways & reviews.